The Naked Truth About Diving Queen Guo Jing Jing

China's red hot diving diva Guo Jingjing was secretly recorded with an infrared video camera. She was candidly videotaped in her skin-tight and very wet swimsuit with an infrared video camera. Her nude body was expose as a result of this method using infrared (see through) as if her Li-Ning swimsuit was transparent. And now every detail of her physique is seen in a 10 minute long video, especially focusing on her private areas, that has been circulating on the Internet. And the private parts of Wu Minxia was also recorded. Infrared video cameras uses infrared technology to see thermal energy (or heat) and can see through certain types of clothes as if you were wearing X-ray glasses.

Guo Jingjing, 26, who is as well-known for her appearances in gossip magazines as for her dazzling spins and somersaults from the three-meter springboard, is said to have been pining since her ex-boyfriend and teammate, Tian Liang, 28, married another woman last year. Paparazzi shots of Guo with her current boyfriend Kenneth Fok, the playboy grandson of a Hong Kong tycoon, suggest that all is not well with that relationship either. So this infrared video exposing her body is the last thing she need right now.

Download the Sexy Video After the Screen Shots Below!


More shockingly, Guo Jingjing was not the only victim of this incident, another 2 hour and 7 minute long video clip shot with the same infrared video camera is also circulating on the web. In this video, other than Guo Jingjing and Wu Minxia, more than 20 female and male divers from multiple countries who participated in the 2008 Olympic warm-up match were secretly videotaped using infrared that exposed their bodies. As the video was uploaded onto a website in Hong Kong, police there have launched an investigation into the scandal.

The video clip was shot in the 2008 Olympic warm-up match – 'Good Luck Beijing' when the divers were practicing. Guo Jingjing won the gold medal in the women's 3-meter springboard at the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing along with two other medals. Chinese sports enthusiasts have become transfixed by the colourful love life of Guo Jingjing since then. Now they are getting to see her body in great detail. Reports say a man sneaked into the diving stadium with a hand-held infrared camera. He secretly taped Guo Jingjing who is seen wearing 2 different swim suits in the video. Using the infrared ray technology camera, her breasts and lower body were clearly seen including her ass. The camera man also shot close-ups of her private parts.

After the exposure of this incident, Guo Jingjing has yet to be seen in public. A reporter contacted her boyfriend Tuesday and asked how can the athletics be protected to avoid this kind of incident to happen again? He said over the phone: "This incident has not been verified yet, I will not answer hypothetical questions. Country athletic games, let the country handle it." When asked if he has comforted Guo Jingjing? He said: "It's not convenient for me to comment too much on other things, sorry." The rumor is now that the video was secretly recorded by a mole within the media covering the Olympics. Anyway, they say China's new objective is achieving transparency. So to that I say they are well on their way.

10 months jail for woman raping a 13-year-old boy

A Singaporean WOMAN'S secret affair with her 13-year-old boy lover was exposed when her suspicious sister paid her a surprise visit late one evening and found the boy hiding in a wardrobe. The 32-year-old former canteen stall assistant had earlier had sex with the minor after inviting him to her flat.

What the judge said
IN PASSING sentence, District Judge James Leong told the 32-year-old woman that the offences she had committed were very serious.

He said he had considered, to her credit, that she had pleaded guilty at the earliest opportunity, thus avoiding the need for a trial.

Yesterday, the unemployed woman was jailed for 10 months after pleading guilty to two of seven charges of causing a boy under 16 to have sex with her in May last year. The remaining charges were taken into consideration.

She is the second woman to be jailed for such an offence following the February conviction of a former teacher now serving 10 months in jail for having sex with a 15-year-old boy last year.

Yesterday, Assistant Public Prosecutor Kalidass Murugaiyan said the accused, a divorcee with a child, was then employed as a canteen stall assistant at the school the boy attended.

The court heard that she would leave her 14-month-old child in the care of the boy's mother when she went to work.

As the boy's mother did not know how to use a mobile phone, she would ask him to call or send short text messages to the woman to ask when she would be dropping off the child.

That was how the woman began communicating with the boy without his mother's knowledge. She told the boy later that she had fallen in love with him the very first time she set eyes on him.

Initially, he did not take her seriously and treated her more like an elder sister.
But in some of their telephone messages, they discussed sex.

One day, after she dropped her child off at his home, she kissed him. At first he was shocked. But then he too began to develop feelings for the woman and began treating her as his girlfriend, also kissing her.

On May 4 last year, they watched a movie, then went to her flat, where they had sex. Meanwhile, the woman's sister and the boy's mother became suspicious of the woman's relationship with the boy. But when confronted, she denied any wrongdoing.

On May 17, the boy again went to her flat for sex after lying to his mother that he was going to a chalet. After sex, he refused to leave and insisted on staying over at her flat. Meanwhile, her sister had received a call from the boy's mother, who said she was worried about her son. Suspecting that he might have gone to the woman's flat, the sister turned up there at about 11pm and found the boy hiding in a wardrobe.

Not long afterwards, the woman's elder brother also arrived and accused the boy of breaking into the flat. The police were called. But when the officers arrived, the boy confessed that he was in a relationship with the woman. She was then arrested.

The woman was found to be suffering from depression at the time she got to know the boy. She told a psychiatrist that she and the boy were both attracted to each other, and that was why they had sex. The woman, who pleaded for a light sentence, could have been jailed for up to 10 years and/or fined on each charge.

Lying Down Sex Positions of Kamasutra

The Deer-woman has the following three ways of lying down:

The widely opened position
The yawning position
The position of the wife of Indra

When she lowers her head and raises her middle parts, it is called the 'widely opened position'. At such a time the man should apply some unguent, so as to make the entrance easy.

When she raises her thighs and keeps them wide apart and engages in congress, it is called the 'yawning position'.

When she places her thighs with her legs doubled on them upon her sides, and thus engages in congress, it is called the 'position of Indrani' and this is learnt only by practice. The position is also useful in the case of the 'highest congress'.

The 'clasping position' is used in 'low congress', and in the 'lowest congress', together with the 'pressing position', the 'twining position', and the 'mare's position'.

When the legs of both the male and the female are stretched straight
out over each other, it is called the 'clasping position'. It is of two kinds, the side position and the supine position, according to the way in which they lie down. In the side position the male should invariably lie on his left side, and cause the woman to lie on her right side, and this rule is to be observed in lying down with all kinds of women.

When, after congress has begun in the clasping position, the woman presses her lover with her thighs, it is called the 'pressing position'.

When the woman places one of her thighs across the thigh of her lover it is called the 'twining position'.

When a woman forcibly holds in her yoni the lingam after it is in, it is called the 'mare's position'. This is learnt by practice only, and is chiefly found among the women of the Andhra country.

The above are the different ways of lying down, mentioned by Babhravya. Suvarnanabha, however, gives the following in addition:

When the female raises both of her thighs straight up, it is called the 'rising position'.

When she raises both of her legs, and places them on her lover's shoulders, it is called the 'yawning position'.

When the legs are contracted, and thus held by the lover before his bosom, it is called the 'pressed position'.

When only one of her legs is stretched out, it is called the 'half pressed position'.

When the woman places one of her legs on her lover's shoulder, and stretches the other out, and then places the latter on his shoulder, and stretches out the other, and continues to do so alternately, it is called the 'splitting of a bamboo'.

When one of her legs is placed on the head, and the other is stretched out, it is called the 'fixing of a nail'. This is learnt by practice only.

When both the legs of the woman are contracted, and placed on her stomach, it is called 'crab's position'.

When the thighs are raised and placed one upon the other, it is called the 'packed position'.

When the shanks are placed one upon the other, it is called the 'lotus-like position'.

When a man, during congress, turns round, and enjoys the woman without leaving her, while she embraces him
round the back all the time, it is called the 'turning position', and is learnt only by practice.

Thus, says Suvarnanabha, these different ways of lying down, sitting, and standing should be practised in water, because it is easy to do so therein. But Vatsyayana is of opinion that congress in water is improper, because it is prohibited by the religious law.

When a man and a woman support themselves on each other's bodies, or on a wall, or pillar, and thus while standing engage in congress, it is called the 'supported congress'.

When a man supports himself against a wall, and the woman, sitting on his hands joined together and held underneath her, throws her arms round his neck, and putting her thighs alongside his waist, moves herself by her feet, which are touching the wall against which the man is leaning, it is called the 'suspended congress'.

When a woman stands on her hands and feet like a quadruped, and her lover mounts her like a bull, it is called the 'congress of a cow'. At this time everything that is ordinarily done on the bosom should be done on the back.

In the same way can be carried on the congress of a dog, the congress of a goat, the congress of a deer, the forcible mounting of an ass, the congress of a cat, the jump of a tiger, the pressing of an elephant, the rubbing of a boar, and the mounting of a horse. And in all these cases the characteristics of these different animals should be manifested by acting like them.

When a man enjoys two women at the same time, both of whom love him equally, it is called the 'united congress'.

When a man enjoys many women altogether, it is called the 'congress of a herd of cows'.

The following kinds of congress-sporting in water, or the congress of an elephant with many female elephants which is said to take place only in the water, the congress of a collection of goats, the congress of a collection of deer take place in imitation of these animals.

In Gramaneri many young men enjoy a woman that may be married to one of them, either one after the other, or at the same time. Thus one of them holds her, another enjoys her, a third uses her mouth, a fourth holds her middle part, and in this way they go on enjoying her several parts alternately.

The same things can be done when several men are sitting in company with one courtesan, or when one courtesan is alone with many men. In the same way this can be done by the women of the king's harem when they accidentally get hold of a man.

The people in the Southern countries have also a congress in the anus, that is called the 'lower congress'.

Sex Positions of Kamasutra

The two kinds of embrace take place when the lover is standing are:

When a woman, clinging to a man as a creeper twines round a tree, bends his head down to hers with the desire of kissing him and slightly makes the sound of sut sut, embraces him, and looks lovingly towards him, it is called the 'twining of a creeper'.

When a woman, having placed one of her feet on the foot of her lover, and the other on one of his thighs, passes one of her arms round his back, and the other on his shoulders, makes slightly the sounds of singing and cooing, and wishes, as it were, to climb up him in order to have a kiss, it is called an embrace like the 'climbing of a tree'.

These two kinds of embrace take place at the time of sexual union:

When lovers lie on a bed, and embrace each other so closely that the arms and thighs of the one are encircled by the arms and thighs of the other, and are, as it were, rubbing up against them, this is called an embrace like 'the mixture of sesamum seed with rice'.

When a man and a woman are very much in love with each other, and, not thinking of any pain or hurt, embrace each other as if they were entering into each other's bodies either while the woman is sitting on the lap of the man, or in front of him, or on a bed, then it is called an embrace like a 'mixture of milk and water'.

Babhravya has thus related to us the above eight kinds of embraces. Suvarnanabha moreover gives us four ways of embracing simple members of the body, which are:

The embrace of the thighs.
The embrace of the jaghana, i.e. the part of the body from the navel downwards to the thighs.
The embrace of the breasts.
The embrace of the forehead.

When one of two lovers presses forcibly one or both of the thighs of the other between his or her own, it is called the 'embrace of thighs'.

When a man presses the jaghana or middle part of the woman's body against his own, and mounts upon her to practise, either scratching with the nail or finger, or biting, or striking, or kissing, the hair of the woman being loose and flowing, it is called the 'embrace of the jaghana'.

When a man places his breast between the breasts of a of Vatsyayana woman and presses her with it, it is called the 'embrace of the breasts'.

When either of the lovers touches the mouth, the eyes and the forehead of the other with his or her own, it is called the 'embrace of the forehead'.

Enlightened Sexism

It’s been a while since I was as disappointed in a work of non-fiction as I was in Backwards in High Heels.

The book is beautifully produced – interesting font, idiomatic and pretty full-color illustrations, even satisfyingly heavyweight paper – and it is charmingly written: the idea that love is not the answer is “an intellectual mouse scratching behind the skirting board;” they often use the word “hoary,” which I love.

But I have three standards when it comes to writing about sex, gender, and relationships: scientifically accurate, helpful, and well-written. With exceptions, Dan Savage tends to meet all three. And Susan Douglas’s Enlightened Sexism met all three. Everyone should read that book. My own writing is clumsy enough that I usually settle for two out of three. Backwards in High Heels meets only one.

Still, there are worse sins than unhelpful, inaccurate, but chewily written prose. Sadly, the book commits a worse sin, albeit inadvertently.

I knew going in that the authors were only writers, not context experts, so I didn’t have high hopes of learning anything, but I did have the expectation of unique and creatively expressed insights. What we get instead is creatively expressed pablum, the ordinary, bland, offensively inoffensive tropes you can find in virtually every issue of “Red Book.”

Authors Tania Kindersley and Sarah Vine say in the book’s Introduction that the book is about “making up your own mind and trusting that mind.” It is, they write, “the literary equivalent of the conversations women have every day of the week.”

This is where that “worse sin” mentioned above comes in.

Why then is it 389 beautiful pages of unenlightened platitudes, like work-life balance is about finding the balance that’s right for YOU, and you will recover from grief if you allow it to move through you? I mean, both of those things are true as far as they go, but they’re just the same old obvious stuff. Are we making up our own minds if we’re sitting around like frogs in a swamp, wallowing in the mire of the ideas that pop culture put into our heads? If oodles of Oxbridge-y literary allusions can’t lift our perspective out of the swamp and into the creative world of novel insight, what can?

Take the section called “What to do when your husband/boyfriend/lover runs off with a tall blonde who is half your age and dress size.” We all know without needing to be told that tall, blond, young and thin is more appealing than short, dark, aging, and round, which makes the paragraphs that follow (“let your girlfriends rally round” and “Go out and buy yourself a bunch of flowers”) not only unnecessary but pointless. He betrayed you because he’s a man and you’re not up to standard. The flowers and the rallying of your girlfriends can’t fix that. Here, have one of my flies, I’m trying to watch my weight and you could use some cheering up. Ribbit.

Of course they don’t MEAN it that way. They mean it to be girl-talk, supportive, “Oh men are hopeless but you are AMAZING.”

Excellent writing should show us something new, should dig deeper than we ordinary mortals dig and bring up something beautiful or jolie laide from the ditch. And all they do is wander around in the already-dug trench and describe it to us. Disappointing.

But my own personal reaction was even worse than that. If these are “the conversations women have every day of the week,” no wonder I have so few female friends. I want to believe that women are not so small as the thoughts in this book. I want to believe we’re capable of digging new trench, to overuse the metaphor from the last paragraph.

Actually, the whole book reminds me of this dinner I went to with my BFFL, back when we were both grad students. It was him and me, a professor (in the BFFL’s department) and his wife, and a visiting speaker and his girlfriend. The men were talking about animal epistemology and the women were talking about recipes. I swear to god. Can you guess which conversation I wanted to participate in? But the women tried to include me in their conversation and I felt rude rebuffing them – I don’t cook, I don’t knit, I don’t have or want or even particularly like kids, but they were being nice. But really I just wanted to talk about how squirrels know where all the nuts are.

My friend Bill – not that Bill, the other Bill – once described me as a guy with a vagina. But is my lack of engagement with the zeitgest of femininity a barrier to my finding someone to date? Does Bridget Jones bring all the boys to the yard? If I’m a guy with a vagina – and not in the sexy Carmen Diaz I-can-belch-just-as-loud-and-swear-as-fluently-at-professional-athletes kind of way but in an in-fact-I-know-more-about-this-than-you-do-and-I-won’t-pretend-otherwise-just-because-I-have-no-penis kind of way – am I therefore as unappealing to men as I am to women?

So this book that purports to want to make me “feel that I am all right” makes me feel simultaneously very lonely and sad for the state of women in the industrialized west. If this is the best we can do with all our advantages… god.

advice with little science

I said in my last post that sex is a destination, not a journey – it’s not about getting to orgasm, I claim, but about enjoying the experience of erotic sensation, building arousal, and intimate connection.

So there’s this theoretical model of emotion I’ve been reading a lot about lately, that goes like this:

Imagine there’s a little monitor in your brain that keeps track of how quickly or slowly you are moving toward a goal. When you’re moving at a pace that this monitor feels is appropriate, you are content. When you are moving at a slightly-tool-slow rate, you are motivated. If you’re going much too slow, you get frustrated and eventually angry. And if you’re making no progress although you’re putting in a lot of effort, you collapse into grief.

Here’s the graph:


Now: consider that idea in the context of sex. If you have a little monitor that notices how quickly you’re moving toward orgasm and that little monitor has a high standard for speed, then you’ll end up frustrated and ultimately defeated.

If, on the other hand, your goal is not orgasm but pleasure, and you’re experiencing pleasure, you’ll be happy!

Make sense? Think about it slowly; it’s a complex idea.

This concept of “fast enough” is one of the problems with mainstream media’s portrayal of sexuality: there is no standard amount of time it’s “supposed” to take, so there is no such thing as “too long,” as far as your physiology is concerned. There are only your (and your partner’s) expectations, and your expectations are too often shaped by the media, whose message is shaped by the single largest advertiser in America.

And who is that? Why, the pharmaceutical industry.

And they are HAPPY to prey on your need for a sense of “normal.”

Other bad sources of expectations: other people’s experience and your partner’s expectations. Good source of expectations: your own experience.

But better yet, as I said in my last post, drop expectations and live inside the moment; stay blissfully satisfied with where you are and you will find yourself moving to delightful new places.

drunk lesbian hook ups

I’m looking for insight from ya’ll.

In my job, I’m actually what’s known in the health education biz as “a generalist,” meaning I’m all things too all people, equal parts sex educator, alcohol educator, sleep, stress, mental health, physical activity educator… everything. It’s an important job that I take very seriously and do, if I may say so myself, extremely well. I certainly try hard, at any rate.

The sex stuff is my favorite part of course, and handily it intersects with just about all the other things, rather in the way that salt brings out the flavor of other foods, or the way alcohol gives the tongue access to flavors insoluble in water or fat. Understanding the role of sex in the other health issues is the sugar that makes the medicine palatable to students.

Lately I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about alcohol – a serious health issue among college students, not least for its impact on sexual decision-making. Nationally, something like 16% of college women report having unprotected sex as a result of their own drinking.

Having chatted about that number with some students and other folks, one of the things I’m learning is how entrenched, indeed how FUNDAMENTAL is the role of alcohol in the hook up culture of the gay and lesbian community. You get drunk, you hook up. You may get drunk without hooking up, but you don’t hook up without getting drunk.

Now, wearing my alcohol educator hat, I think, “Well that’s fine, all I need is to motivate people not to drink to blackout, which is reasonably easy, since most people would rather not blackout if they can help it.”

But wearing my sex nerd hat, I think, “What? Why? What?!”

This one student I talked to (who may or may not read the blog – if you do, hi and thanks!) helped me understand. See, I had previously assumed that people were drinking a lot because they felt guilty about the sex, ashamed of their bodies, or otherwise somehow NEGATIVE about the pursuit of a sexual connection. The non-straight community is at increased risk for a wide variety of health issues, including mood and anxiety problems, self-harm and suicidality, tobacco use, dangerous drinking, etc etc, and the typical story is that people abuse substances in order to manage negative affect. They’re drinking, I thought, to turn down the volume on the bad feelings.

But no, it turns out it’s not that. It’s just… the culture. It’s just how you do things. It’s accepted as normal – long term relationships even start that way. Personally I can’t imagine having the FIRST sex I have with someone happen when we’re both shitfaced drunk, but apparently it’s more or less the norm in this particular culture.

And there’s certainly the question of whether it’s more the case in the gay community than in the straight community, where random hookups, at least among college students, are culturally normal.

So look, obviously I haven’t talked to every gay or lesbian person in America and obviously I haven’t read ALL the research on the subject, but this is a compelling empirical question as well as an important health issue:

IS it the case that in the LGBQ community, drunken hooking up a big trend?

If it is, WHY is it?

What are the benefits?

How is drunken hooking up in the gay community different from or the same as drunken hooking up in the straight community?

What are the costs or risks, both at the individual and cultural levels? Should it be changed?

If so, how?

I’m really asking, because I’m finding it difficult to get inside the experience of having sex with a new person while wasted; I’m sure it makes sense to many of the people who do it, I just can’t see it and I’m not even sure what’s blocking my view.

Tell me everything you can think of. Send your friends this blog post and ask them to comment. I need all the insight I can get.

a destination, not a journey.

This is related to the dance post.

I’ve always had a hard time with the saying, “Life’s a journey, not a destination.”

It’s the kind of thing people said to me a lot when I was in early- and mid-adolescence, because I was (and am) an intense, high-energy person who moves at a fast pace. “Slow down, Emily, life’s a journey not a destination. Enjoy the ride!”

Fuck you, I thought, I get motion sick and I wouldn’t be bothering with trying to get somewhere if it weren’t somewhere I thought was BETTER THAN RIGHT HERE.

What I wish someone had told me was, “Life’s a destination, not a journey, and you’re ALREADY HERE.” Which really is just a restatement of the same thing, but it opens up the question, “Then why do I feel like I’m in such a hurry?”

The reason I feel like I’m in such a hurry is because of how attractive all that stuff out there in the future looks to me. And a little bit, sometimes, because of how crappy where I am is.

What has this to do with sex?

Orgasm.

I have three Top Tips about sex, and the second one is:

It’s not about orgasm.

The reason this is a Top Tip is because a lot of people get Very Wrapped Up in orgasm. They see it as a destination. It’s not, not really; it’s just one of the places you can be. But where you CAN be isn’t anything like as important as WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW.

The arousal you have right now, the sensations you have right now, the partner you have right now, the body you have right now. Here you are.

I think people would have better sex if they didn’t conceptualize it as traveling along a path toward orgasm but as simply BEING right here and now.

Indeed, I think this is why sensate focus works so well as sex therapy: it takes away the option of orgasm and demands that you pay attention to the sensations you’re experiencing right now. This inevitably brings to the surface all your historical psychodrama, but with sex stripped down to its essence, it becomes easier to notice what part of your experience is about the here and now and what part is just the historic noise in your head.

I know that arousal can feel like a drive, that sexually appetitive stimuli draw you toward them. But I do promise you that the experiencing of WANTING SOMETHING TERRIBLY (e.g., orgasm) is, in itself, an intense, beautiful, erotic experience.

Give it a try. Arousal is a destination, not a journey toward or away from anything in particular. It’s a state of being that constantly changes as your environment changes. It’s where you are right now. And nothing bad will happen if you stay exactly in this place for a good, long while.

So sit still. You’re already where you need to be, even if where you are is wanting to be somewhere else. If you see what I mean.

my first sex educator

My very first mentor in sex education passed away this week.

My training as a peer health educator, 15 years ago, set the stage for my present career. I got a MS in Counseling because Annie had a MS in Counseling.

Here’s just one example of why Annie became a model for me:

Way back, early in my training as a sexuality peer educator, I was sitting on the floor in a room in the student center, talking with the other sex peer educators about periods, the menstrual cycle.

What factors influence the menstrual cycle, Annie asked us. Being a painfully ignorant 18 year old, I raised my hand and said, “Isn’t there something about the phases of the moon?”

Unsurprisingly, everyone laughed.

Not Annie. She said, “There are centuries of mythology and artwork devoted to the idea of the moon as a feminine power…” and she went on to talk about how cultures have constructed meaning around the phases of the moon and the phases of the menstrual cycle. And of course she clarified that in fact the moon was not a factor influencing the menstrual cycle.

Not only did she help me not to feel like a moron, she shared a richer contextual understanding of reproductive biology than I had ever witnessed, she role modeled a level of sex positivity and unconditional respect that inspires me still, and she fixed my ignorance while making me feel that my ignorance was a gift to the entire group.

I have lots of stories like that – and there are lots of people like me, whose lives were shaped by Annie’s generous spirit, her kindness, her commitment to promoting healthy, joyful sexuality.

I’m going to Delaware for the memorial service – my second memorial service this year. If there are any blog readers who also went to U of D and also were touched by Annie, I hope you’ll let me know.

confidence

I have had a totally INTENSE past few days. On Thursday I did a talk on positive sexuality that resulted in a half dozen women in their 40s, 50s, and 60s, discussing places to find women-friendly porn and erotica. Totally great.

And I gave about 15 seconds of advice about fellatio (“Don’t neglect the scrotum as an option – not all men like it, but some men REALLY like it, so give it a try.”), which resulted in the question, “Where can I find more about that, about… you know?”

(Why, my little Fellatio Guide.)

The thing for me: how do you get to your 40s, 50s, and 60s without knowing to try the scrotum? Who can’t go to a bookstore and look in the sexuality section – and especially now, who can’t just google “feminist fellatio” or whatever? How can it be that there are women in America who don’t know that good, women-friendly, sex-positive information is readily accessible? How do you get to middle age without knowing where to go to get it? What would be missing to prevent that?

I think most of what would be missing is confidence. Confidence to try new things without worrying about “getting it wrong,” as though it’s possible to get anything “wrong.” Confidence that looking like a porn star is not required to give head like one. BETTER than one.

Which makes me cry, how do you teach confidence!? How do you learn it?

I talked to someone else on Saturday, an old friend who has broken through a whole lot of psychological noise to get to brand new a level of openness and creativity and pleasure in her sexuality. How did she do it? I asked, and she said she just… decided she’d had enough of worrying about whether or not she could please a man, whether or not she was adequate. She just let it go, the decades of negative messages.

Crikey! Talk about power!

I suppose it’s a readiness for change thing: when life has prepared you to change, you will. Before then… you’ll stay stuck. But I suppose folks who read the blog are ready. Folks who find and read the fellatio guide are ready. Which means that I never see the people who aren’t ready.

And I forget how far many people have to travel before they get to healthy joyful sexuality. I forget how revolutionary it is to suggest that your body belongs to you and no one else, that you’re allowed to do ANYTHING you want in bed, and that your own enjoyment of pleasure – your own and your partners – is the one and only measure of success?

How do we get them ready?

break your hymen – sincerely this time

To my utter astonishment, my tongue-in-cheek post about how to break a hymen without a penis has become one of the most read on the blog, due to people actually SEARCHING THE INTERNET for the phrase “how to break a hymen.”

And I feel terribly guilty that there are all these women out there who want to break their hymens and the advice they get from me is slightly facetious.

I still don’t know why people are so worried about it, but clearly they are, so here’s the ACTUAL advice:

Option 1: Have a medical professional do it. If your hymen is imperforate, microperforate, or septate, definitely take this option. If you don’t know whether or not your hymen is any of these things, get a medical professional to check. If you’re thinking, “But I don’t have access to a medical professional” or “I don’t want to talk to my doctor about this,” then there’s something else wrong that’s more important than your hymen.

Option 2: Have intercourse. It’s how women have been breaking their hymens for ages. There will probably be a little bit of pain and a little bit of blood, but it’s totally no big deal, from a physiological/medical perspective. If your partner doesn’t have a biological penis, use a non-biological one.

Option 3: Break it yourself. Which means you need to know both how to manage the pain and how to successfully break it.

To minimize pain, use either (or both) a numbing agent (you can use oral numbing agents they sell at the drugstore for canker sores and stuff) or a counter-irritant. A counter-irritant is some intense stimulation elsewhere that more or less distracts your central nervous system from the sensation happening at your vagina. The best counter-irritants will be sensations to the other highly sensitive parts of your body, like your face, feet, and hands. Deep touch sensations – pressure, massage, vibration – will be most effective. So, for example, hold a Hitachi Magic Wand between your feet.

Drinking a couple of glasses of wine – more than one glass, but LESS THAN A BOTTLE – can also help. Do not, whatever you do, exceed 4 drinks, and no more than 2 or 3 in a single hour. Don’t be stupid about alcohol.

And to break the hymen, you mostly need girth. Gradually increasing the girth of the thing you penetrate with will make things easier; contrary to popular belief, pulling off a band-aid slowly results in less pain than ripping it off all at once, so don’t try to put a mango in there all at once.

Another thing to remember is that the hymen is just one of several potential sources of pain with penetration – indeed it’s just about the least common source of pain. The most common source of pain is friction. LUBRICATION is absolutely, positively, unambiguously CRUCIAL. DO NOT attempt to penetrate your vagina without LOTS of lubrication. If you really can’t get lube anywhere else, some oil from the kitchen will do.

Another potential source of pain is muscle tension. Yes there is a vaginal sphincter muscle, and you must relax it in order to penetrate the vagina. You can find it by stopping yourself mid-stream while you pee – it’s the same muscle (different sphincter. don’t worry about the details.)

And finally, pull out a little mirror and LOOK at your vagina and your hymen before you start any of this. LOOK at it. See where it is, what it’s made of. Think patiently and non-judgmentally about your feelings about what you see. It’s a part of your body, just like your elbow and your toes. Be as kind and gentle with it as you would with, say, clipping an infant’s toenails. Be nice to your body.

I can’t even begin to write about the psychological noise that must be happening inside a person’s head if they’re searching the internet for information on how to break their hymen. What advise can I give for that?

Take a deep breath. Relax. Pay attention to your body and its sensations. Pay attention to your feelings about your body, and know that you are allowed – indeed, you are WELCOME – to love all the parts of you. Okee dokee?

Kissing

What is an arousing kissing technique?

Just one arousing kissing technique?

To begin with, remember that the perception of sensation is context dependent, so that a sensation that’s sexy in one context will be annoying or even painful in another. What qualifies as a sexy context varies from individual to individual and couple to couple, but in general they involve trust, respect, a fair degree of privacy, a lack of stress, depression, and anxiety, plus a sense that your partner desires you.

So step 1: create a sexy context, whatever that means for you and your partner.

Step 2: Soft and slow.

No, slower than that, and softer than that. Just barely touch your lips to whatever part of your partner you’re kissing; kiss them more with your breath than with your lips.

Then bite that part. Not too gently.

Travel to a nearby spot and repeat, incorporating judicious use of tongue (wet skin + breath = good) as desired.

The focused attention required is, in and of itself, good technique. What you do matters less than that you are paying attention to your partner and enjoying shared sensations.

Whatever you do, do not wipe your tongue like a paintbrush over your partner’s gums, inner cheeks, or the roof of their mouth. Your tongue goes between their lips in pursuit of their teeth or their tongue and for nothing else.

And don’t, for the love of mike, press your open mouth into theirs so that both of you bash you lips against your teeth. Pressure does not equal passion.

And finally, don’t CHEW on your partner’s lips. Nip and suck, absolutely. But gnawing on your partner like a dog on a bunny just does not cut it, friends.

7 Ways Your Relationship May Be Sabotaging Your Sex Life

If your sex life feels like it's fizzling, marriage problems could be to blame. Find out why everything from who wants more sex to who does the dishes can affect intimacy.
Having trouble in the bedroom? You might start by examining your overall relationship. Fights surrounding finances, kids, work, and housework can take the sizzle out of your sex life.

Marriage problems may seem insurmountable when you’re right in the middle of them, but you may be surprised by the impact small changes in your relationship can have. Here are 7 ways to make your relationship — and your sex life — better.

Bad Sex Reason No. 1: Being Disconnected
This is one of the most common problems Zoldbrod sees among married couples, and it results from living a harried lifestyle in which most days revolve around juggling obligations and couples don’t have enough time for each other.

“Between work obligations and kid obligations, the only ‘we’ time couples have together feels more like a corporate board meeting than an intimate conversation between friends or lovers,” Zoldbrod says. “In an un-emotional climate like this, deeply satisfying sex is impossible.”

What needs to happen to resolve this marriage problem: Make time to do exciting things together. Hire babysitters, take a weekend away without the kids, or get tickets to an interesting place or event.

Think of the financial cost as an investment in your relationship, Zoldbrod says. That effort is what leads to connection and trust in a relationship, which in turn leads to better sex.

Bad Sex Reason No. 2: Lack of Communication
People tend to speak different “languages of love,” Zoldbrod says. One person may like to give gifts to express love, while another shares feelings. Women are better at verbalizing their feelings — some men have trouble identifying their own feelings, so they can’t possibly share them.

If your partner is speaking a different love language than you are, it’s easy to feel unloved, which can affect your desire for your partner. Talking about how you want your partner to show you love can help.

When it comes to actual sex, talking is probably one of the most powerful things you can do, Zoldbrod says. Give feedback by asking for what you want, making sounds (such as an “aaaah” or “uumm”), or by simply saying “Don’t stop.”

If you don’t like what your partner is doing, ask “Can you do [fill in what you do like] some more?” or direct your partner’s hands, Zoldbrod says.

If you both agree that you have trouble communicating, a marriage counselor or sex therapist can help zero in on your problem.
Number one reason to get in the game during summer recess: air conditioned sex. I kinda want to leave it at that but I’ll say this, there is no better atmospheric set up for sex than air conditioning. Except the hotel room/air conditioning combo.

That’s the Taj Mahal of sex scenarios. I should mention, my $3000 dollar bed is on par with hotel bed comfort, my air conditioner has high BTU’s, and my iPod has a playlist entitled “best hookup music” . No shit. Those are my selling points this summer. No new clothes, no charismatic flirting, no over indulgence in alcohol just good old material possessions. Like me for what I have.

Memorial Day is this weekend, the official summer kickoff. Between June, July and August, you have 92 days to meet someone of interest. Consider it a personal challenge.

Bad Sex Reason No. 3: Fighting
Every couple fights, but experts say that you need to balance every fight you have with five positive shared experiences. The health of your relationship depends on how good you each feel about the other, so if you’re fighting a lot, you have to make sure you’re also having plenty of fun together, Zoldbrod says.

There are some issues you may never agree on, but it’s important that when you do disagree, you focus on the positives, look for common ground, and work toward finding a solution to what you’re fighting about.

Bad Sex Reason No. 4: Money Disagreements
Money issues are the biggest reason for divorce among first-time marriages, according to the National Healthy Marriage Resource Center. It’s common for partners to disagree about how to spend money, but keep this in mind: One of the benefits of being married is that you and your partner are able to keep each other in check financially. Still, as with any other issue in a marriage, underlying tension about money can make its way into the bedroom.

To help resolve these disagreements, schedule time every week to talk about your finances and make all of your decisions about money together. If you’re going through a rough time financially, committing to each other and going through it together can strengthen your relationship, which will help your sex life.

Bad Sex Reason No. 5: An Imbalance of Household and Parenting Chores
Surveys have found that sharing housework and childcare ranks third as a factor for how successful a marriage will be. However, women still tend to take on most of these duties, even when they’re employed full-time. Not surprisingly, resentment over who does what at home creeps into the bedroom.

“Housework is one of the biggest libido-killers known to woman,” Zoldbrod says. Tasks at work are typically linear — if you have a report to write, you write it, and you’re done. But household chores are circular and never-ending. “As one of my friends commented, ‘It’s like shoveling water uphill,’” she says. No matter how much laundry, cleaning, and cooking you do, there’s always more to do the next day.

“One of the most sexy and endearing things a partner can do is pitch in and help with household chores,” Zoldbrod says. It’s also okay to lower your standards for cleaning and laundry. When a woman has less on her to-do list, she’s more able to relax and get in the mood for erotic pleasure, she adds.

Bad Sex Reason No. 6: A Damaged Past
Almost a third of Americans grew up in homes where they were neglected emotionally or abused physically, emotionally, or sexually, Zoldbrod says. Growing up in that type of environment changes a person’s ability to trust others, and you can’t have a satisfying sex life if you don’t trust your partner.

It’s an issue that usually surfaces once a relationship has become established, and causes distance between the two partners. In this situation, seeing a therapist might be your best option to work through the issues and learn how to gain trust in your relationship.

Bad Sex Reason No. 7: Sexual Incompatibility
Probably the most common kind of sexual incompatibility is a discrepancy in the level of desire between partners, Zoldbrod says. If you don’t have many other areas of conflict in your relationship, you may be able to come to a compromise about how often you have sex. But if the partner with the stronger sex drive sees this as a total rejection and a sign of being unloved, serious problems can arise. “If the higher-drive person is often angry and pouty, the whole relationship becomes soured,” Zoldbrod warns. Further, if the other partner responds by giving in to having sex to avoid hostility, then that partner’s sex drive is guaranteed to diminish, she adds. “My advice is to get professional help for negotiating this difference, so that your marriage stays happy and strong,” she says.

Making these needed changes to correct problems and seeing a therapist for any problems too difficult to work out on your own can lead to a better sex life and a stronger relationship overall.

 

Tips for....!!

There's an old saying: "Luck is when opportunity meets preparation." If you want to be more successful out on the town, you need to prepare before you go out. Here are 10 things that you can work on RIGHT NOW that will dramatically improve your game TONIGHT.
1. Get FitGet into a habit of hitting the gym several times a week, and ALWAYS do it on the days you plan to go out later in the evening. You should consider exercise part of your pre-party ritual. Not only will you get into great physical shape, but exercise itself produces endorphins that will get you pumped up mentally for the evening. You'll also notice a boost to your confidence, which in turn will make women notice you.
2. Get Your House ReadyIn preparing for tonight's outing, you need to think ahead and plan for a best case scenario. If you end up having some "company" later, you need to have your place clean and presentable. Always have a bottle of wine handy. Set up a few fun props throughout the house that will make interesting conversation pieces. Think Zen Gardens, a cool coffee table book, or a unique art piece. The more interactive the better! And most importantly, make sure your bedroom is clean, and your bed is made. They say a woman won't get into an unmade bed… I don't know if this is true but I'm not going to be the one to test it out!
3. Read Up On Current EventsScan the news today and stay informed on the latest celebrity gossip and entertainment news. This is perfect material for conversations. Even if you aren't that interested in this stuff yourself, you need to show that you are "in the loop" and that you get it. Especially pay attention to celebrity affairs and break ups (There's a new one every week!). Women will be almost too willing to discuss these topics. It's like candy to them!
4. Get PositiveNobody wants to be around a negative person, and if you want to be successful with women, you need to come from a positive place. Before you go out for the evening, relax for a little bit. Put yourself into a comfortable space mentally, and use positive self talk to eliminate insecurities. Try to remember a time in your life when you were particularly confident and successful. Try to recall exactly how that felt, down to the smallest detail. How did you walk? What kind of expression did you have on your face? What was your tone of voice? Bring that moment into the present, and watch how it affects your entire evening!
5. Pre-PartyThe Pre-Party should become a ritual you have every time you go out. Think of it like an opening act – it's a warm up for the main event. Meet a few friends, either at your place or theirs. Share a few drinks. Listen to music that pumps you up. Watch some standup comedy, or listen to comedy albums. Share a few jokes. Make yourself and each other laugh. This will put you in the right frame of mind for the rest of the evening.

Glamorous and Beautiful Girls

Pakistani Girls are a sign of beauty, glamor, innocence and softness. The girls of Pakistan are very mature, determined and hardworking. That's why they always portray the imagination of every artist. In their eyes they have courage of sacrifices for their families and pride of caring for them. But Pakistani women have a very secure and diverse culture, They mostly wear hijab dresses, and don't want to show their body to unknown people. They just love with their life partner sincerely, They help their families and the society in so lots of ways. . They bear alot and live straight, paki women are the symbol of strong commitment. They are very dignified, caring and loving. All of these characters and qualities make them unique from others, these qualities also can be found most of the Asian women.

Seductive Desi Aunty fun time

Indian house wives real photo. Indian Housewives are hot. Housewives are beautiful. What do you think about Indian housewives? How will you differ Indian housewives from western housewives? What about Indian women dress. What do you think about Indian housewives sharee. Are they real Indian housewives?

Cute Chinese Actress Ruby Lin Latest Photo Gallery and Biography

 

Ruby Lin is a cute and beautiful Chinese Actress, She was born on 27 Jan 1976 in Taiwan, She works in Taiwanese language China movies, She has lived in the United States for 2 years, She is also a good singer.

Another 365 Days

Yes...another year wasted. Literally wasted. 

All 365 days gone, with no tangible achievements. 

When I look at myself in the mirror, all I see is new wrinkles, a silver lining around my forehead (won't admit it's grey hair) and excess weight. 

Great! I have been taking good care of myself, you see! 

It has been a year of turbulations and the lastest human tragedy - look at how selfish a human being can be - is truely a befitting end to a year which started with tragedies and ended with more heartbreak and suffering for millions of people. 

While the selfish me had no concerns (that's not really the truth) over the last few days, other than securing a table over-looking the dance floor for New Year's Eve, millions will usher the New Year grieving over their losses as they come face to face with the scope of the tsunamis. 

A Sri Lankan woman was quoted by the world news agencies as crying: "Why did You do this to us, God?" after the wall of water crushed her life, hope and aspirations. 

Is God really to blame for all the atrocities that man has committed?

Homeland..!!

I don't want to be ungrateful to my homeland: But who is? 

Humanity and treating people with dignity comes from within. It should be nurtured from a young age, and should be allowed to blossom in an environment where people are treated fairly and in a humane manner. 

This Utopia isn't possible everywhere because some people are infested with mental problems. 

When given a chance to flex their muscles on weaker people, they are merciless and brutal because that is the only place they can prove their strength. 

Abusing housemaids, children and wives is not uncommon in Bahrain or any of the other countries in the region where anything happening within the confines of the home should remain secret. 

Can the police tell us how many children are abused by their fathers? 

Or can they tell us how many wives are battered by their husbands? 

Or better still, can they tell us how many housemaids have been raped and impregnated by their sponsors and then bundled back to their countries on the earliest flight back home? 

No, they will not have the courage to address those serious troubling issues. 

They can't. It doesn't serve any purpose and people should turn their eyes away from anything negative which would show my Bahraini people in an unfavourable light. 

The Bahrain Centre for Human Rights' Migrant Workers Group is picking on the system by highlighting the plight of those people, some authorities have argued. 

Others have tried in the past to muzzle the Press from carrying "too much bad publicity about Bahrainis" in the paper, saying it hurt the country and the economy. 

Oh please! Give me a break. 

How can a man who has abused his housemaid hurt the economy? I will try to refrain 
myself from using four-lettered words, following the advice of a close and dear friend who told me that this site is written by a pervert! He did not know that it was me. And frankly, after what he said about not allowing his daughters to access this site, well...I just couldn't tell him it was me. Anyway, I am getting side-tracked again. 

Back to hurting the economy. Yes. Hurting the economy hurts (I am sorry if this sounds like a quote from G W BUSH), especially when the abused housemaid is denied a decent meal, a place the sleep in, time off, time for herself, time to have a bath, time to practise a religion and time to maybe, perhaps, I don't know... maybe an afternoon off. 

I wouldn't dare ask for a full day off because what if the maid decides to find a boyfriend, and God forbid, have sex. 

Oops... sorry! I did it again. What I mean here is what if the maid is allowed to wander outdoors and engages in inappropriate behaviour with a member of the opposite sex. (Is this acceptable?) 

I don't know what is more scandalous here and what hurts the sponsors more: that the maid is abusing the trust they have given her in making her a slave at home and treating her like a member of the family by rationing her meals so that she doesn't become as obese as the sponsor, his wife and children or that someone of such a low 
level could consider herself human enough to have a sexual urge? 

Could the sponsor be angry that she had refused all his improper advances and decided to make out with a street cat? 

Or perhaps the sponsor's wife is angry that the maid is getting it while she isn't? 
I don't know. I really don't. It really is scary how a sick mind thinks. 

The problem of abusing other people here is simple: There is no respect for the law. 

How do you respect a law which is not implemented equally across the board? How do you trust a system which treats people with discrimination? 

Employers know they will get away with their hideous crimes because they are above the law. Employees know they will never get justice because those who are responsible of upholding the law apply double-standards. 

As a Bahraini, it hurts me to admit this. But read my lips: this is the truth, the whole truth. 

I am not a bitter Bahraini. In fact, I think I am a better Bahraini. 

I have just had a very successful vision correction surgery. I see things a whole lot better now.