confidence

I have had a totally INTENSE past few days. On Thursday I did a talk on positive sexuality that resulted in a half dozen women in their 40s, 50s, and 60s, discussing places to find women-friendly porn and erotica. Totally great.

And I gave about 15 seconds of advice about fellatio (“Don’t neglect the scrotum as an option – not all men like it, but some men REALLY like it, so give it a try.”), which resulted in the question, “Where can I find more about that, about… you know?”

(Why, my little Fellatio Guide.)

The thing for me: how do you get to your 40s, 50s, and 60s without knowing to try the scrotum? Who can’t go to a bookstore and look in the sexuality section – and especially now, who can’t just google “feminist fellatio” or whatever? How can it be that there are women in America who don’t know that good, women-friendly, sex-positive information is readily accessible? How do you get to middle age without knowing where to go to get it? What would be missing to prevent that?

I think most of what would be missing is confidence. Confidence to try new things without worrying about “getting it wrong,” as though it’s possible to get anything “wrong.” Confidence that looking like a porn star is not required to give head like one. BETTER than one.

Which makes me cry, how do you teach confidence!? How do you learn it?

I talked to someone else on Saturday, an old friend who has broken through a whole lot of psychological noise to get to brand new a level of openness and creativity and pleasure in her sexuality. How did she do it? I asked, and she said she just… decided she’d had enough of worrying about whether or not she could please a man, whether or not she was adequate. She just let it go, the decades of negative messages.

Crikey! Talk about power!

I suppose it’s a readiness for change thing: when life has prepared you to change, you will. Before then… you’ll stay stuck. But I suppose folks who read the blog are ready. Folks who find and read the fellatio guide are ready. Which means that I never see the people who aren’t ready.

And I forget how far many people have to travel before they get to healthy joyful sexuality. I forget how revolutionary it is to suggest that your body belongs to you and no one else, that you’re allowed to do ANYTHING you want in bed, and that your own enjoyment of pleasure – your own and your partners – is the one and only measure of success?

How do we get them ready?

Tips for....!!

There's an old saying: "Luck is when opportunity meets preparation." If you want to be more successful out on the town, you need to prepare before you go out. Here are 10 things that you can work on RIGHT NOW that will dramatically improve your game TONIGHT.
1. Get FitGet into a habit of hitting the gym several times a week, and ALWAYS do it on the days you plan to go out later in the evening. You should consider exercise part of your pre-party ritual. Not only will you get into great physical shape, but exercise itself produces endorphins that will get you pumped up mentally for the evening. You'll also notice a boost to your confidence, which in turn will make women notice you.
2. Get Your House ReadyIn preparing for tonight's outing, you need to think ahead and plan for a best case scenario. If you end up having some "company" later, you need to have your place clean and presentable. Always have a bottle of wine handy. Set up a few fun props throughout the house that will make interesting conversation pieces. Think Zen Gardens, a cool coffee table book, or a unique art piece. The more interactive the better! And most importantly, make sure your bedroom is clean, and your bed is made. They say a woman won't get into an unmade bed… I don't know if this is true but I'm not going to be the one to test it out!
3. Read Up On Current EventsScan the news today and stay informed on the latest celebrity gossip and entertainment news. This is perfect material for conversations. Even if you aren't that interested in this stuff yourself, you need to show that you are "in the loop" and that you get it. Especially pay attention to celebrity affairs and break ups (There's a new one every week!). Women will be almost too willing to discuss these topics. It's like candy to them!
4. Get PositiveNobody wants to be around a negative person, and if you want to be successful with women, you need to come from a positive place. Before you go out for the evening, relax for a little bit. Put yourself into a comfortable space mentally, and use positive self talk to eliminate insecurities. Try to remember a time in your life when you were particularly confident and successful. Try to recall exactly how that felt, down to the smallest detail. How did you walk? What kind of expression did you have on your face? What was your tone of voice? Bring that moment into the present, and watch how it affects your entire evening!
5. Pre-PartyThe Pre-Party should become a ritual you have every time you go out. Think of it like an opening act – it's a warm up for the main event. Meet a few friends, either at your place or theirs. Share a few drinks. Listen to music that pumps you up. Watch some standup comedy, or listen to comedy albums. Share a few jokes. Make yourself and each other laugh. This will put you in the right frame of mind for the rest of the evening.

Homeland..!!

I don't want to be ungrateful to my homeland: But who is? 

Humanity and treating people with dignity comes from within. It should be nurtured from a young age, and should be allowed to blossom in an environment where people are treated fairly and in a humane manner. 

This Utopia isn't possible everywhere because some people are infested with mental problems. 

When given a chance to flex their muscles on weaker people, they are merciless and brutal because that is the only place they can prove their strength. 

Abusing housemaids, children and wives is not uncommon in Bahrain or any of the other countries in the region where anything happening within the confines of the home should remain secret. 

Can the police tell us how many children are abused by their fathers? 

Or can they tell us how many wives are battered by their husbands? 

Or better still, can they tell us how many housemaids have been raped and impregnated by their sponsors and then bundled back to their countries on the earliest flight back home? 

No, they will not have the courage to address those serious troubling issues. 

They can't. It doesn't serve any purpose and people should turn their eyes away from anything negative which would show my Bahraini people in an unfavourable light. 

The Bahrain Centre for Human Rights' Migrant Workers Group is picking on the system by highlighting the plight of those people, some authorities have argued. 

Others have tried in the past to muzzle the Press from carrying "too much bad publicity about Bahrainis" in the paper, saying it hurt the country and the economy. 

Oh please! Give me a break. 

How can a man who has abused his housemaid hurt the economy? I will try to refrain 
myself from using four-lettered words, following the advice of a close and dear friend who told me that this site is written by a pervert! He did not know that it was me. And frankly, after what he said about not allowing his daughters to access this site, well...I just couldn't tell him it was me. Anyway, I am getting side-tracked again. 

Back to hurting the economy. Yes. Hurting the economy hurts (I am sorry if this sounds like a quote from G W BUSH), especially when the abused housemaid is denied a decent meal, a place the sleep in, time off, time for herself, time to have a bath, time to practise a religion and time to maybe, perhaps, I don't know... maybe an afternoon off. 

I wouldn't dare ask for a full day off because what if the maid decides to find a boyfriend, and God forbid, have sex. 

Oops... sorry! I did it again. What I mean here is what if the maid is allowed to wander outdoors and engages in inappropriate behaviour with a member of the opposite sex. (Is this acceptable?) 

I don't know what is more scandalous here and what hurts the sponsors more: that the maid is abusing the trust they have given her in making her a slave at home and treating her like a member of the family by rationing her meals so that she doesn't become as obese as the sponsor, his wife and children or that someone of such a low 
level could consider herself human enough to have a sexual urge? 

Could the sponsor be angry that she had refused all his improper advances and decided to make out with a street cat? 

Or perhaps the sponsor's wife is angry that the maid is getting it while she isn't? 
I don't know. I really don't. It really is scary how a sick mind thinks. 

The problem of abusing other people here is simple: There is no respect for the law. 

How do you respect a law which is not implemented equally across the board? How do you trust a system which treats people with discrimination? 

Employers know they will get away with their hideous crimes because they are above the law. Employees know they will never get justice because those who are responsible of upholding the law apply double-standards. 

As a Bahraini, it hurts me to admit this. But read my lips: this is the truth, the whole truth. 

I am not a bitter Bahraini. In fact, I think I am a better Bahraini. 

I have just had a very successful vision correction surgery. I see things a whole lot better now.